Love. Poetry. Perfection.

This is why I love English Literature, and Shakespeare.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm's
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
     So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
     So long lives this and gives life to thee

Beautiful.

Scandal in the Mafia!

Before I go into all the gory details, let me just clarify something. The Mafia is my family...it's just that big!
So at a Mother's Day Dinner with my grandparents, I sit next to my Nan, the wine if flowing and everyone, except for my mum's foul-face Monster-In-Law, was fairly merry.
Then the stories started.
My Grandad  was dating a woman called Jaquie when he was 20, and proposed to her. While she was away on holiday, before their wedding, I guess it was a type of Hen Weekend (although this was 40 years ago) he went to a bar with some friends, as there were Go-Go Dancers (today's equivalent of pole dancers.) One of the dancers at the end of the show went to talk to my Grandad and he bought her a fair few drinks, and they both got a little bit intimate, and ended up back at my Grandad's house. Needless to say sexual acts ensued. And the mystery Go-Go Dancer left in the morning without leaving her number (they didn't have phones.)
The next week, my Grandad returned to the bar, to find the mystery Dancer awaiting him. He thought his luck was in, he dumped his fiance, in what I'm sure was a considerate fashion (not) and him and the Dancer (my Nan) made plans to be wed. Unfortunately for them, though, my Nan was pregnant (shock horror!) and due to the morality of the times, the wedding was pushed forward by 4 months(!!!) so my Nan wouldn't walk down the isle with a baby, telling friends and family it was because they could move into their house sooner than expected(who seriously believed them?!). She did have a bump though. And that bump was my Mum, who's GODMOTHER is the scorned woman my Grandad dumped oh so lovingly for another woman. Who was pregnant. With his baby. Scandalous!
What still astounds me though, is the fact that my Nan (the Go-Go Dancer) can tell me that I'm not allowed a tattoo. Sometimes I feel like turning round ans replying; 'Am I allowed to pole dance though?!' and see how she likes them apples!!

MichaelAngelo was a genius!

Inspiration..

What to do when you accidentally flash to the builders.

I can't be the only one that this has happened to surely?! No? Just me? OK... well this is awkward. It's not everyday that you something so humiliating happens that you freeze and can't think of how to resolve the situation. This is where I come in. Because it does happen to me. A lot. And I'm sure at one point in your life you will accidentally flash to someone, and you will freeze and you will need a solution to the problem.
When I say accidental, it was exactly that. Completely and utterly accidental, a thoughtless few seconds of my life that lead to humiliation.
Let me start by filling you in, (the background story is essential). We're having some work done on our conservatory, which happens to be right below my bedroom window. I woke up late, as usual and rushed to get into the shower, without noticing that the builders were already in the garden. So I have my shower, still without realising, and make my way back to my bedroom, take off my towels, shake out my hair, and head to the windowsill.. where my deodorant is. STILL without realising, I casually put on my deodorant. And then it hits me.
They can see everything from the garden.
Without moving, I slowly look down and see not one, but two builders smiling back at me and before the horror could spread through my face, one of them winked.
Now, whether you do what I did, or leave the bathroom with your dress tucked into your knickers, or your boob pops out of your dress on the red carpet, or even, open the door for the room service while your partners there naked getting dressed, there is only one way to resolve that situation and leave with your head held high.
Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.

You only think that you are free..

We're all brought up with the illusion that we have Free Will and Freedom of speech, but do we really? Are we completely free of all boundaries that we can fully express ourselves without worrying that what we will say could maybe offend someone somewhere because it goes against what they believe, or their opinions? Do we actually have the freedom to go whenever we want and do anything or is it just an illusion of freedom put on us my the society we live in. Obviously I don't mean everyone has the right to say hurtful and degrading things, because words last forever, but we should all be able to voice our opinions in a discussion with others without feeling like a monster for being 'pro-choice' or accepting that stem cell research is a necessary and vital form of research in today's medicinal community. 

Why do people feel the need to try and change your opinions? You can be a catholic without preaching to the atheists and you can be a politician without telling the nation that your opinion is the only right one. It's not against the law to believe what we want, or to voice our opinions for that matter, but it does seem to be above some people to allow us to say what we want without discriminating against us for it. Is it too much to ask to be able to say and believe the things that are the most moral and sound in their reasoning. 

If everyone just accepted that not everybody thinks in the same way then the world would be better place. We shouldn't be afraid to think differently or even be different for that matter. As long as we have good hearts and think through our actions why should there be a problem? Don't be persuaded to believe something that you don't feel strongly about and don't feel like you need to conform to society, just accept that everyone's different. Leave the big decisions to the politicians, vote for what you believe in, protest peacefully if it'll make a difference and the world will be a better place. Probably.

Inspiration for today:

How is that Luck?!

Which crazy old lady decided that a bird crapping on your head was lucky?! Or finding a penny on the floor?... Well I guess that makes more sense.. but seriously! I doubt the first thing anyone thinks when they feel the splat of some ambiguous liquid on their head is, 'oh excellent, I really needed some luck today.' No. Everyone on this planet feels their heart sink in in time with the splat  and then when it gradually dawns on them what's happened the first thing to come into their head is more likely to be 'ARE YOU FRICKIN' KIDDING ME!? WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO NOW, WHAT WITH THIS REALLY IMPORTANT MEETING FIRST THING!!!' ...yeah, that's more like it. Bird crap doesn't make us lucky, it puts us all in a foul mood, and leaves us thinking Karma is out to get us.

Whoever it was probably also decided that black cats walking in front of you were unlucky. Another one of the stupid old wives tales we've been brought up to believe in. Like you shouldn't stand on cracks in the pavement. Or counting sheep will help you to fall asleep. Or if you wash clothes on New Years Day, you'll be washing all year.. surely most people wash their clothes all year anyway?! Who comes up with this stuff!?

Are there not enough restrictions put on us by society, that we had to make up some extra ones to go with it? Why are people never satisfied? Everyone always wants what they can't have and aspires for more than they can achieve. 

What I guess I'm trying to say is why listen to the stories and nonsense of yesteryear, when we can't even live in a peaceful society? Why can't we just accept what we have? I'm not saying don't believe in a higher power, or even that you'll never do well in life, cause that's not the case and will lead to a severely pessimistic society, which is already bad enough! But if the crazy bird shit lady was right, it's going to take a hell of a lot of pigeons to fix the problems we've created, and if that's not luck then I don't know what is.

So.. That's what you meant by 'friends forever'.

It's when the shit hits the fan that you realise who really is there for you and who's just there to boost their Facebook friends or to call on you when their boyfriend's in a lesson. Those people are the ones that will only ever text you if you text them first, only ever offer you something if you give them something first and only ever ask you how your life is once they've told you all the boring details of their life, because you obviously have nothing better to do than to listen to them, and your life is obviously not as interesting as theirs is. How can it be?! You don't have a boyfriend, you dad doesn't earn 60K a year and you can't afford to wear Jack Wills clothes to bed. Those are the fake ones. The bitches that couldn't give a shit about you, or what's happening in your life. They may smile at you and put on a friendly face, listen to you as you talk about you new baby cousin, cry with you when you talk about your dying grandma, but they don't care. Not really. They may say you're their best friend, and you'll never stop talking. But they don't know which University you're going to go to, or who you may or may not have a crush on. They will turn around and slag you off to the first person that'll listen. They'll make you feel like a worthless piece of crap and they probably won't even invite you for a coffee in the one free you have together a week. But it's their loss. It always is. Because they've just lost one of the truest friends they'll ever have, who will spend every penny they have on a birthday present, be there at a drop of a hat for them and worship the ground they walk on, just on the off chance that one day a great big massive double Decker bus of karma will hit them across the face and they'll realise how lucky they were to have a friend like me. I doubt it though. They'll never appreciate a bloody thing I've ever done for them cause that's just how selfish they are. Bur the real friends, those are the ones that count. You may not talk everyday, or text each other every 20 seconds, but that means jack shit when you can talk to someone about everything and anything when you haven't spoken in a week or two. They are the ones that wait for you in the car when you've overslept or get you a coffee on the way cause you're running late. They'll buy your cinema ticket for you and not expect any money for it. They'll sit and have a cry with you on results day and they'll sing 'smile' to you to make you laugh even if it sounds atrocious.They'll delete all the drunken pictures they've taken of you and only save the gorgeous ones and they'll be there for you at one in morning if you need to talk, cause they never sleep anyway. Friends are meant to make  you feel like you mean something and are irreplaceable. Like the great Beyonce says; they should never find another like you because you just mean that much. Save the good ones. They'll be there forever. Sometimes you need to clear out your emails and delete or the junk. So do the same with your friends and if the bitches complain, look them straight in the eye and with your head held high, and say; 'It's called respect darling, and you've lost it from me.'